For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
