I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
