I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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