how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
