Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize