Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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