somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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