ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
