Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
