i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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