he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
