Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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