My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
