Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
