there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
