I cockslap morals
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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