It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
