Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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