BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
