I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
