I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
