dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
