ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
