threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
