Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
