If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I did not marry a roomba.
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