im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
