even my farts smell like vagina
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
