I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
