; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize