you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
