i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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