if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
