she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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