um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
