Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize