you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
