What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize