I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
