looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you didnt know i had herpes?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
