Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
