you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize