If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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