i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
