oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
