That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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