god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have aggressive nipples.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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