I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
