she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
