There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
