I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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