I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
