What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
