not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
