my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
