you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
