That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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