Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
