Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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