Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
