I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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