He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Houston, we have a squirter
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
