my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
