Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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