What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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