Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
