Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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