so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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