first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
