My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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