Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
