3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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