is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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